Why I cheated

Why I cheated Vanha juttu ehkä, mutta en muista itse törmänneeni tähän aikaisemmin.

Reason #1: There's no passion
"I had been with John for about three years—he was a really nice guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but there wasn't a ton of passion. Most everyone we knew had gotten engaged, and though John would have proposed in a second, whenever he brought it up, I'd change the subject. I took a trip to Australia for work, and while I was gone, I got together with a co-worker to whom I'd always been insanely attracted. I had a fantastic trip, probably because for the first time in a long time I experienced that excitement I'd been missing. I broke up with John soon after I returned home, and began dating the guy from the trip. Even though I'm not super-proud of my actions, things ended up for the best: After dating for a few years, the guy from the trip and I got married, and we're incredibly happy together."
– Giselle, 30, Montvale, NJ

Hyvä, mutta miksi seurustella sellaisen kanssa jota ei kuitenkaan rakasta? Miksi olla jonkun sellaisen kanssa joka on vain "really nice guy"? Mielestäni nainen tuhlasi 3 vuotta omaa aikaansa ja ennen kaikkea tuhlasi 3 vuottta exän aikaa. Siinä ajassa John olisi voinut löytää jonkun sellaisen, jonka kanssa olisi "ton of passion". En halua olla kyyninen, mutta jotenkin minusta tuntuu että yksi tämän intohimottoman suhteen kasassa pitävä voima on ollut Johnny-boyn materiaalinen panostus suhteeseen.

Reason #2: To delay a breakup
"Right before I was going to break up with my ex, Sean, he found out that he had to put his beloved dog to sleep. He was so broken up about it that I didn't have the heart to end things, so I waited a month or so until he was in better shape. When things seemed to be better and I was ready, he lost his job, so I felt like I was back to square one! By that time, I had met someone else that I really wanted to start seeing, so I went ahead and did it. I eventually ended things, never telling Sean about my extra-curricular dating. I think I rationalized that I was trying to spare his feelings."
– Stacy, 30, Lexington, KY

Tavallaan ymmärrettävää, mutta entä jos jää kiinni. Se varmasti säästäisi tunteita. Omasta mielestäni sitä parempi, mitä suoremmin tuollaisen asian hoitaa. Tuollainen kikkailu on veitsen kääntämistä haavassa.

Reason #3: Because absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder
"My boyfriend Greg and I decided to do the long-distance thing after I was accepted to a graduate program 200 miles from where we lived. The first few months were fine, but I soon found myself becoming extremely attracted to my lab partner, Henry. What began as innocent flirting eventually wound up with us in bed. After the program was over, I returned home to Greg. Being with him was really difficult, but I didn't break up with him initially because I was still attracted to him, too. I visited Henry a few times, and realized that he was really more of a fling, probably born out of boredom, and that Greg was the one for me. I eventually stopped communicating with Henry. I never told Greg about what happened, which occasionally makes me feel guilty, but I chalk my cheating up to being young and silly. He and I are still together, four years since my program ended."
– Tamara, 33, Portland, OR

Varmaan aika tyypillinen tapaus. Tyypillinen tilanne sekä naisille että miehille, jossa pettäminen tapahtuu, jos on tapahtuakseen.


Reason #4: So she's not left out in the cold
"I began dating Eric shortly after I had been dumped by Dave, my boyfriend of two years. I was devastated and Eric was definitely a rebound thing. After Eric and I had dated for five months, Dave came back and wanted to give things another shot. I still really missed him, so I began seeing him, but never ended things with Eric. I think I sort of kept Eric around for insurance purposes, just in case things didn't end up well with Dave. Dave and I didn't make it on round two, and after Eric discovered through mutual friends that I had been seeing him again, he ended things with me. I definitely learned my lesson about dating two guys at the same time, not to mention trying to rekindle a relationship that's just plain over."
– Jen, 28, Oak Park, IL


Tämä on toinen yleinen tilanne. Eikö sitä kutsuta ns. liaani-ilmiöksi tjms?. Liaanistahan ei voi päästää irti ennen kuin on ote seuraavasta. En ole silti koskaan ymmärtänyt sitä. Onko sen niin kauheaa olla vaikka hetken aikaa yksinään, että on pakko pyörittää vaikka kahta kumppania samaan aikaan ettei vain jää "out in the cold"?

Reason #5: She deserves better
"When I was younger, I dated a guy named Ethan who was really critical of me. He constantly made little snide comments about my weight, how stupid I was and how clumsy I was. For whatever odd reason, I was into him, despite the fact that all of my friends and family hated him. One weekend when he was away, I met Will at a party and we completely hit it off. He was the complete opposite of Ethan—kind, sweet and generous, yet completely cool and fun, too. We hung out all weekend and it was like a light bulb went off in my head: This is how mature, relationship-worthy guys act. I hooked up with Will the night before he left, and broke up with Ethan soon after. Will and I dated for three years and now we're married."
– Allison, 30, New York, NY

Hyvä jälleen, mutta miksi pettää? Miksi ylipäätään olla tämän Eathanin kanssa?


Reason #6: She's looking for a missing piece
"I'm from Florida, so I adore going to the beach and boating, but my former boyfriend, Chris, a total city boy, hated it. We always argued about where we'd take trips, and he always won. About eight months into our dating, I took a trip to Key West with my friends and we chartered a boat for the day. The captain of the boat was this totally hot, complete ‘beach guy for life' type, and I spent the whole day flirting with him. We met him out that night, and he and I got together. I never told Chris about it after I got home and I never felt guilty; I think part of me felt like that's what Chris got for being so stubborn! Chris and I didn't make it, and after we broke up, I made sure any future boyfriends loved the beach!"
– Lizzie, 32, Chicago, IL

Joten: Jollei poikaystävä pidä kaikesta mistä minä pidän ja suostu osallistumaan kaikkeen minun mielikseni, voin pettää häntä ja se on hänen vikansa. Mitä nyt on niin itsepäinen.

Sääliksi käy jokaista miestä joka tähän naiseen sekaantuu. Aina löytyy joku syy pettää. Aivan varmasti.


Reason #7: To give him a taste of his own medicine
"My last boyfriend was a total player before we got together. I thought I could change him, but I was wrong. I always heard rumors that he was hooking up with other girls while we were dating, but he always denied it. One night, I got a call from a girl he had been seeing, and she detailed their three-month-long relationship to me and told me about another girl she had discovered he was seeing as well. I was so mad that I went out with my friends that night, dressed to kill, and went home with the hottest guy I could find; I felt like it was the least he deserved! I loved seeing the look on his face when I told him about what I did and that I knew about the other girls. And then I dumped him!"
– Ashante, 25, College Park, GA

Ok. Ymmärrettävää. Kaveri ansaitsi kyllä sen, mutta muuten en pidä tuollaisesta että naiset käyttävät ulkopuolista miestä kostaakseen tai tehdäkseen poikaystävänsä mustasukkaiseksi. Se ei ole nimittäin reilua tälle uudelle miehelle, ellei hänelle kerrota totuutta. Usein naiselta jää kertomatta että hänellä ylipäätään on poikaystävää ja minäkin tiedän tapauksia jossa täysin tietämätön kaveri saa pahasti turpaansa mustasukkaiselta macho-poikaystävältä.


Reason #8: There's something lacking in the physical department
"My ex was a terrible kisser—the worst! I really liked everything else about him, but whenever it came time to get physical, I just cringed. One night when I was at a party without him, a bunch of people started this old-school, yet fairly intense game of spin the bottle, and I felt like I had to join, as I hadn't had a decent kiss in a long time! I probably kissed about 10 guys that night, all of whom were so much better than my ex. I ended things pretty quickly after that experience, which made me realize that the physical part of a relationship is truly important."
– Marnie, 26, San Francisco, CA

Tuossa ei mielestäni kerrota varsinaisesti pettämisestä, jollei tätä peliin liittyvää pussailua lasketa. Itse en laskisi. Jokainen valitsee itse millaisen ihmisen kanssa haluaa olla, ja jos suutelutaito on niin tärkeää että kokee sen syyksi pistää suhde vaihtoon, niin ei ole minun asiani arvostella sitä ratkaisua.


Equal but different

Jos ei tämän blogin kirjoittaja ole aikaisemmin tullut tutuksi, niin kannattaa tutustua. Hänellä on paljon hyviä pointteja. Tässä linkissä hän ottaa kantaa tähän ns. Cindy Bischoff -lakiin.


Anne Moilanen Metrolehdessä

formula on idioottimaista.
Se tuhoaa luontoa, siinä mainostetaan
tupakkaa ja se on tylsää. Formulakisakulttuuri pitää
yllä tympeitä, stereotyyppisiä sukupuolirooleja,
joissa miehet ajavat rallia ja ansaitsevat miljoonia,
kun taas heidän trophy wife -tyyppiset malliheilansa
”kannustavat” katsomossa pikkuautoanaalivaiheeseen
juuttuneita aikuisia miehiään silikonit törröllään
ja aivot lepotilassa.